Quarter of a century old. Two and a half decades old. Not old enough to have a mid-life crisis yet. Old enough to have a quarter-life one. Yippie for me, for falling into the marketing induced, some true, some hyped, pop-cultural demographic of quarter-life-crisis-suffering-people!Woo hoo!
While I sip on some birthday champagne (hic!), I decided to go visit the ghosts from the past ( alcohol has a way of doing that to you, combine that with chocolate, you might just sneak a peek into the future!) and see what worked, what didn’t, what I’d do all over again and what I would change. While it sounded great in theory, it’s a tad depressing to actually do, when I should really be out there dancing my stilettos off! ( OK, so stilettos are scary..but I should at least give my pedicured toes a work out, no?)
Getting on with my reminiscing and introspection I realised quite a few things actually..(ahem, once again, it’s the alcohol!) I placed way too much value on certain friends which I never should have. The closest friends I continue to have today, are really the best! I probably should have never gone out on that date, with ‘that’ guy. I should have never broken another’s heart the way I did, and I wish I never got mine broken. I miss those days of school girl crushes, pointless dating sprees and every relationship being the epitome of “the one”. But am also glad those days have passed, coz’ I know, I no longer have the energy, patience or the threshold to endure crap quotient as I once did. All that, and also I found my ‘one’. And got married to him! ( drugs, blindfolds, blackmail were involved)
Opinions I once had, seem defunct and the advice I heeded, too premature. I find myself growing more opinionated (right or wrong) and more often than not find myself at the giving end of advice spectrum!( OK, I know am 25, not 75, but indulge me here) My ability to sift through good advice from bad has gotten considerably worse, the damn opinions of mine get in the way. I find that some of the things that parents go on about actually do make sense! Go figure!(Dad, if you are tempted to do a cartwheel after reading this..umm..DON’T)
I miss the conformity of school/college and the familiarity of friends and those other people and faces I have grown to recognize. It was something I knew and boundaries am familiar with. The future seems intimidating. Will I fit in? Find my own clique? Maybe I already have, maybe it takes some more time. But it excites me too. Possibilities are endless. The contradiction in everything scares me. Am sick of the same old. And am ready for the ‘new’. I find comfort in the ‘old’. The ‘new’ fills me with trepidation. And hence, the ‘Contradiction’!
Prorities also seem to have shifted. Somewhat. That’s a list that am still working on.. I can never quite figure out what order feels right. But I know now, ‘I’ need to be on the list. Its not about being arrogant or proud but about having pride and self-esteem. I have grown to learn the difference. And appreciate the latter. There also seems to be so much pressure to do that something extra! Geez, when you look at barely teens teeming with millions, makes me almost head out looking for an agent. (‘Almost’ being the operative word here.)
Suddenly, loans, investments, future and careers are important. What happened to good old planning as far ahead as Saturday night and the biggest question was what to wear and where to go partying? (Now am just exaggerating!) (Can you imagine the post I’d be writing when I turn 30?) (Oh wait, will I still be blogging at 30?)
Am done being the college kid. Seriously, I am. But am not ready to be a “Grown-up” yet! Ah, the quarter life crisis! (Pause for effect) (Ever the Drama Queen)
One of my favorite quotes from Alice In Wonderland sums it all up for me, “ If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”
Do you see??